Oh how quickly life changes...

Since my last post, just over a week ago. We sign our lease on the 13th and move into our apartment on the 14th! We are both super excited. I had successful knee surgery on the 1st to repair the damage I sustained at work back in January. I had a job interview on the 6th, that I THINK went well...now I just need to hear back from them because training would begin on the 15th!

Unemployment Sucks...

Unemployment sucks a big one. B and I have both been unemployed for a month now. We can't move until we have jobs and we can't get jobs until we move. I lost a decent opportunity at a place because we couldn't find a place to live in the area quick enough that we could afford. We are currently scraping by on my worker's compensation checks since I am unemployed, but it is barely enough to cover the two car payments, car insurance, and phone bill we currently pay on. Don't even bother asking me about one of our cars which we can't drive right now because it blows smoke from the vents. Not even retail stores have called me back.

If finding a job is hard, finding an affordable place to live for B and I and our two awesome puppies is nearly impossible. At least with out having a crap ton of fees associated with it all.

Speaking of puppies, our youngest and currently not fixed male, Skidman, loves to annoy his sister Savannah by licking her butt. We got tired of Savannah snapping at him when he would do this so we picked up two essential things, a clicker and a spray bottle. I filled the spray bottle with 1 part lemon juice and 3 parts water. Shook and voila a very fast way to get Skidman to realize that licking his sister's butt is not a good thing. He's gotten better and the amount of snapping has decreased immensely. It also helps that Savannah has learned that she gets a better response from us (B and I) when she just growls at him or comes to us with a look that says, "Mommy, Daddy, Skidman is annoying me and I want him to stop." They really are two amazing pups.

Maybe tomorrow I will sit on my butt and call places...or I could just save that for Thursday when I will be confined to sitting on my butt all day because I get my knee scoped out Wednesday.

Here's to a new life in a new town soon, before we all go crazy.

Oh wait...we already are.

When One Door Closes...it gets slammed in your Face?!

There is an old saying that goes, "When one door closes, another shall be opened." In reality it's more like "When one door closes...it gets slammed in your face." Per my last post several weeks ago. B and I both lose our jobs due to state budget cuts. We were given three weeks in order find new jobs before camp closed. Well, B's last day was Friday the 15th. So we are now both officially unemployed. What we are going to do, I have no clue, as there are currently very few jobs in the field in which we came from that enable us to go home to our dogs every night. We've narrowed down our job searches to four general areas in Virginia, however, I have not gotten a single bite from anywhere I have applied to so far. Hence the door slamming in our face. I am most certainly glad to have B home every night now, but we both feel the stress of not knowing where we are going next. Hopefully a door will open soon.

May God smile upon us some day soon,

~Fenex

The Joys of being funded by the state government

Oh the joys of working at a place funded by the state government. So, the WONDERFUL (the use of the term "wonderful" is sarcastic) state of North Carolina has made the decision to completely cut out the DJJ funding for wilderness camps. Meaning, B and I lose our job and the 2nd camp in 9 months for me is closing and the 3rd camp in three years for B. Now, originally, the plan we got from headquarters was that all camps were closing by the end of June. We were kind of excited about this, because it meant we had a good solid three to four months to find new jobs. WELL, we just got word from camp (in the form of HR visiting camp for a surprise staff meeting) that camp is NOT closing at the end of June, but April 21. Meaning we have a month before camp closes. This is not enough time to find new jobs, but we can make it...I hope.

When One Door Closes...Another is Opened.

Several doors have closed for me and B in the past few weeks. Life happens, things come up that make affording life semi hard. Our Pontiac ended up needing almost a grand of work done to it before it would pass the state inspection. That royally sucked. At the same time, his mom's car (which is our temporary back up car for when one of us has (had) our only working vehicle decided that the engine didn't want to work properly. It still runs, but we aren't comfortable driving it 5 minutes to Wal-Mart, let alone the 33 minute drive to work. So our solution, is something that we had talked about for a while, getting a second vehicle, mainly for me to drive. So we did! I found one online after looking at many many options, and we drove to Richmond Friday to look it. The beautiful blue 2005 Hyundai Tucson GLS is mine and sitting in our front yard. It drives amazing. It rides amazing.

More to come...

Epic Failure!

Apparently, I epically fail at a few things, one of them being giving directions in the dark while immersed in a very interesting conversation...hehe. OOPS. The other is keep up with writing my thoughts down on here or even on paper. I suck at it. I get so immersed in life, that I forget all about de-stressing by writing things down. A lot of "things" have happened in the past month, and all of these "things" have worn me out immensely. I was so worn out from everything that I broke down the other night after a particularly hard day at work and did something that I have also epically failed at doing...giving up my worries and stresses to God. After I gave it all up to God, I feel much better emotionally...I'm still worn out as all get out but its not affecting me emotionally. I need to get better at that. As everything I do in life, it's just one more thing for me to work on constantly.

Hazards of Wilderness Camp

There are many hazards to working at a wilderness camp, most common of those hazards is illness. Kids get sick and when they get sick, they pass it around. At wilderness camp, they pass it to other members of their group, their chiefs, kids in other groups, it goes around and around. A few weeks ago, I had the unfortunate luck of being the chief in charge of taking care of the sicklings in my group. All of them. So naturally, I get sick too. It hit on a particularly rough day at work for me. The boys were being dumb and me and my co-chief had to call the MC's down to help us out. After a particularly long huddle in the cold, it hit me. BAM! I started running a fever. The next few days until I got off for mine and B's weekend was insane. I could barely walk I ached so much. B was an amazing caretaker, getting me whatever I needed, taking care of the dogs and making me stay in bed. I ended up going to the doctor and what do you know... I had a touch of the flu that had turned into bronchitis! Thankfully, after 10 days of medicine, I feel loads better.

The next hazard of working in wilderness camp is injuries. The most common way for a chief to get injured at wilderness camp is from restraints or breaking up fights. I, unfortunately, am a casualty of such type of injury. This past weekend was chaos. That is all I can describe it as, because nothing fits it better. My group was chaos. The day I got injured, half my group decided to go out of bounds for a good 2 hours. We didn't check out of tents until after 7pm and then all hell broke loose. I won't go into the details, but while an MC and my co-chief were in a restraint the rest of the group decided they were going to fight someone. While trying to break this fight up in the dark, my right knee twists, pops, and buckles. Because of all the adrenaline in my body, I didn't realize what had happened until things had calmed down and my knee just didn't feel right at all. One trip to the emergency room the next day, and I had a tentative diagnosis of a right ACL sprain.

B has been amazing through all of this and is such a gentleman (not that he wasn't before) but I guess I recognize it more since I have to ask him to do things for me. B continues to show me every day God's love through his actions.

The Pace of Things

The pace of things working in adventure therapy is insane. You can be told one thing and then in the next instant the state government (or who ever funds the program) can make a decision that changes dozens of lives forever. This is the case at the camp where I work. We were told in July that we were safe from budget cuts and being closed down. Come to find out two weeks ago, we are indeed being closed down. What does this mean? This means that 60+ kids lives are being uprooted, some are going home, essentially completing the program; others, are being sent to one of the other camps the organization runs in the state. What happens to all the staff? Most of the youth counselors are moving on to other camps, making the kids transitions easier. Others, are leaving the company all together for different adventures in life. What happens to the non-program staff? They are left jobless, to feed off of unemployment for a while while they look for other employment. Why does this happen? Essentially, for my camp, it was economic issues. As I understand it, the company is slowly phasing out the wilderness adventure camps for a more community based program. My camp was given the axe because of location, we are location approximately an hour from another, newer, co-ed camp. So what am I going to do now that my camp of approximately two months is closing down...I'm moving to a new camp, located closer to where my husband and I live. My husband is coming too.

A Little Bit on At-Risk Youth

They are kids. Simple as that. Society has a way of phrasing what these kids are in a way that is damaging to them, by calling them dysfunctional, delinquents, among other names I will not put into a blog. We need to change this. These "delinquents" or "dysfunctional" kids are nothing more than kids who have made poor decisions in their lives and mostly as a result of the poor decisions of their parents. Instead of calling them delinquents call them at-risk youth. Because that is what they are; they are at-risk for being put in jail or removed from their homes or at-risk for failing in a life where society as a whole has cast them aside and deemed them as failures.

In other news, training has ended and I begin work fully on Friday. I'm excited. I learned a lot while at training, more than what I was expecting too. The trainers were amazing and helped guide the group into a good spot before we all departed to go our separate ways. I miss the new friends I made, and the experience of the trainers. My dad's dad is home and resting. They got his heart stabilized. Off to bed.

Life is crazy sometimes

So I just finished part one of my two part training for work. I begin part two tomorrow. It has been an interesting ride to say the least. I met some new friends and apparently made some not really enemies but I can't think of the word for it right now. Those that aren't my friends apparently think I'm an authoritarian b-word, essentially. All I was trying to do was inform them of camp policies that they weren't familiar with and they took it as me considering them to be stupid. It's frustrating but whatever. I'm just going to keep my mouth shut about it and let them get in trouble. The hard part was I was not allowed to perform some of the maneuvers being taught because of the torn ligaments in my ankle. I hated not being able to actually practice them. I miss my husband and my dogs and could really use a hug and kiss from my husband right about now. I talked to my dad today. We played a few rounds of phone tag before I was actually able to get a hold of him only to find out that my Papa, my dad's dad, is in the hospital with a very elevated heart rate of 155. They don't know why but my dad is really worried. I could hear it in his voice. I'm glad I was told though so I can let work know in case things go south and we need to leave work for a family emergency.

With regards to RV and Semi drivers...

Please pay attention when changing lanes! Twice today I almost got run off the road or hit by an RV and/or Semi because they weren't paying attention to the far left lane (where they shouldn't be to begin with). I know they could see me because I could see their driver's side window and was clearly in view of their rear-view mirrors. Coming from someone who still suffers the emotional and mental effects of flipping my car a year and a half ago, this was not a good day. After the second time, I laid on my horn for the first time in my life, I started exhibiting symptoms of a panic attack...behind the wheel! Thank God I remembered what B told me the last time I started having a panic attack while in the car last year after getting run off the road while on our way to a wedding. So please RV and Semi and all other drivers, PAY ATTENTION!!!

Sick cycles

Financial planning/budgeting what have you should be mandatory in high schools. Why? Because my husband and I are perfect examples of what can happen when you aren't taught how to budget and how to STICK to that budget. We can't pay our bills, which aren't that extensive to begin with, but living off of just one paycheck sucks. We haven't done anything for ourselves in months because we don't have the money. Our money goes to food, gas, and bills and by the last week in the pay cycle, we barely have any left only to start the sick cycle all over again. We both need new shoes as I currently wear 5-6 year old running shoes and he wears my 2 year old Sambas. We won't be able to get these shoes for another 2-3 months after we have caught up on all our bills. I can only imagine how much money we could have saved had we learned financial planning and budgeting growing up.

As such, we have to go to our parents for some help, again. I hate it, but I can no longer let my pride hurt my family. If my mom so chooses to say "I told you so" in her own elegant way, I will take it graciously, admit my faults with managing money and move on, vowing to save and budget and not need to go to them in the future.

Peace, Love, Prayer

Fenex

Life just gets...interesting

So my husband's mother (we live with her) gets home from VBS, sits down and asks to talk to us. Immediately my heart crept into my throat. It is never good when MIL asks to talk to us. Before I go into the details, I have to go into a brief overview of what has transpired before hand.

A few months ago, MIL's siblings decided to gather at their family property (where MIL lived). MIL and I get home from running to the grocery store and they are all gathered by their vehicles waiting. This could not be good. They inform MIL that they are selling the house and land and she has to be out by the beginning of the month, three weeks away. They leave, and we (me, MIL, and the daughter of MIL's best friend) all put our heads together and end up renting the house next door to MIL's best friend. Everything's all gravy...until moving day. We didn't have the room to fit all of MIL's sentimental possessions from given to her from her mother. A few days after we move, MIL gets an email from her daughter saying that she will never be a part of her daughters life...yada yada blah blah. More issues arise but I don't feel like getting into the dirty details because this is the making of a great novel.

Fast forward to tonight. My husband finishes the level on Zelda that he was playing and MIL starts talking. She had received another email from her daughter saying that MIL is the cause of all her problems and basically spitting out lies left and right and making herself (ex-SIL, I guess now) out to be the best mother, daughter, person to walk the earth. It honestly sounded like a near carbon copy of the letter she wrote her dad 2 years ago.

Life has certainly gotten interesting. I wish I could say that things will start to get better, and I hope and pray they will, but I only see things getting worse. The one bright spot is that God is with us, carrying the three of us through the turmoil.

Over and out,

Fenex

The Beauty of Nature Part 1

I love the outdoors and nature. If there was a word stronger than "love" I would be using it. My love for the outdoors only comes after the standard God, Family, and Friends. I love just being fully immersed in nature and waking up to the sunrise and sitting by a camp fire at night. If I could design my own Heaven, that would be it. Anyway, I've decided that I want to share some of that beauty of nature that I love so much. I can't post all my photographs that I have taken because there are over 100 of them and that would make for a very long and boring post, so I will post a few of my favorites. If you DO want to see them all head on over to Nature Photos and click on the link.

From Nature Shots

This first photograph was taken while at the Eastern Shore last summer on a trip with a camp group. I love it because it captures the essence growth, both in nature and spiritually.

From Nature Shots

This photograph was taken while hiking in the Cascades of Blacksburg, Virginia. I love how it is a permanent monument and reminder to keep nature as beautiful as it was before you arrived.

From Nature Shots

This I believe was taken while hiking up a mountain called Dragon's Tooth, also near Blacksburg, Virginia. It's just beautiful, no real purpose behind the photograph, except maybe to capture how high up I truly was.

From Nature Shots

This is a photograph, my wonderful Husband, B, took while on a river trip down in Florida with his group of teen boys at work. Don't ask me why they took a picture of a snake but they did and it came out!

From Nature Shots

This is another picture my Husband took while on the river trip in Florida.

From Nature Shots

I took this photograph back right after I graduated high school near Cherokee, North Carolina. It's not really of nature, per se, but the building has certainly stood the test of time.

From Nature Shots

This was taken at a beach wedding in Virginia. I loved how the sun glistened off the water and sand. It truly shows God's majestic beauty in the way he created the world.

From Nature Shots

This is another beach shot in Virginia. No real reason to have it here besides it's one of my favorite photographs that I have taken.

From Nature Shots

I LOVE LOVE LOVE this photograph! Another building that has stood the test of time, and weathered the storms on the beach.

From Nature Shots

Again, not really a nature photograph, but I loved it too much to exclude it.

From Nature Shots

The final photograph for this post, is a sunset over the water in Florida. It's another photo my Husband took while on the river trip and it is simply breathtaking!

Enjoy!

Fenex

© The photos in this post and anything related to this post are property of the author. Please seek permission before using.

"The Climb"

Yes, I know. Miley Cyrus is not the most popular person in the world. But one of her songs does strike a chord in me. A very deep emotional chord. This particular song is "The Climb." It is not just one particular aspect of the song, like the chorus...it's the entire song. Growing up, I was always climbing that up hill battle, of approval from my parents, to be the best in school, to be the best in soccer, and I failed miserably in all of those aspects. I've had an up and down relationship with both of my parents, currently the relationship with my mother is down about as low as you can go, and the relationship with my dad is up. I have often felt lost, like I was walking up a mountain with out any sense of direction. These were the times, where I struggled the most, with self-esteem, with faith, with life in general. It was a struggle to get up and out of bed in the mornings. At times, I didn't want to live. Before I met my husband, I had to struggle through those times alone. Once I met him, he would pick me up and help me up my climb to the top. The chorus to "The Climb" goes like this:

"Every step I'm taking

Every move I make feels

Lost with no direction

My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying

Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain

I'm always gonna wanna make it move

There's always gonna be an uphill battle

Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose"

The chorus in particular can be said of all the kids my husband currently works with and I will be working with come July. All these kids have been climbing one uphill battle after another and some of them lose those battles constantly. These kids don't have to climb their mountains alone. I will be there guiding them along the way, as will my husband and any other person who does what we do. When they get to the other side of the mountain and successfully complete the program, they can raise their hands up to the sky and say "I Made It."

"I look up to the sky
and now the world is mine
I've known it all my life
I made it, I made it!
I used to dream about, the life I'm living now
I know that there's no doubt
I made it, I made it!"

Over and Out,

Fenex

An Introduction

So, I feel like I owe everyone an introduction. I am K. For confidentiality reasons, I will not divulge my real name nor the name of anyone (person, company, etc. I may post about). The one exception will be my two dogs. I decided to start this blog to chronicle my life as an outdoor therapy youth counselor, as well as the mishaps and adventures of my life away from work. Having two dogs certainly makes for a few adventures. I decided to name my blog Phoenix Forever Rising for a very special reason. The young men I work with, well come July I will work with, are young men that are in the fiery depths of their own personal Hells. For one reason or another, or even a few reasons these young men made some really bad decisions and the consequence of those decisions is to be removed from family and friends for nine months to a year and placed at an outdoor therapeutic camp for boys, where they live in a group usually consisting of twelve boys and two to three counselors, aka. chiefs. The young men that successfully graduate from the program have risen from the ashes of their personal Hells to be reborn again as what we hope to be contributing members of society. Thus comes the name Phoenix Forever Rising.

Well that's all for now,

Fenex